Doctor-Assistant

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.

“Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.”

“Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: ”So, Seamus, how was your day?”

Seamus told him that he took care of three patients.

“The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol.”

“Bravo, and the second one?” – asks the doctor.

“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Malox, sir.” – says Seamus.

“Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?” – asks the doctor.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a woman entered. Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything including her bra, her panties and lied down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!”

“Thunderin’ Lard Jayzus, Seamus, what did ye do?” – asks the doctor.

“I put drops in her eyes.” !!!!!

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Helpless Love !!

 Once upon a time all feelings and emotions went to a coastal island for a vacation. According to their nature, each was having a good time. Suddenly, a warning of an impending storm was announced and everyone was advised to evacuate the island.

The announcement caused sudden panic. All rushed to their boats. Even damaged boats were quickly repaired and commissioned for duty.

Yet, Love did not wish to flee quickly. There was so much to do. But as the clouds darkened, Love realised it was time to leave. Alas, there were no boats to spare. Love looked around with hope.

Just then Prosperity passed by in a luxurious boat. Love shouted, “Prosperity, could you please take me in your boat?”

“No,” replied Prosperity, “my boat is full of precious possessions, gold and silver. There is no place for you.”

A little later Vanity came by in a beautiful boat. Again Love shouted, “Could you help me, Vanity? I am stranded and need a lift. Please take me with you.”

Vanity responded haughtily, “No, I cannot take you with me. My boat will get soiled with your muddy feet.”

Sorrow passed by after some time. Again, Love asked for help. But it was to no avail. “No, I cannot take you with me. I am so sad. I want to be by myself.”

When Happiness passed by a few minutes later, Love again called for help. But Happiness was so happy that it did not look around, hardly concerned about anyone.

Love was growing restless and dejected. Just then somebody called out, “Come Love, I will take you with me.” Love did not know who was being so magnanimous, but jumped on to the boat, greatly relieved that she would reach a safe place.

On getting off the boat, Love met Knowledge. Puzzled, Love inquired, “Knowledge, do you know who so generously gave me a lift just when no one else wished to help?”

Knowledge smiled, “Oh, that was Time.”

“And why would Time stop to pick me and take me to safety?” Love wondered.

Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and replied, “Because only Time knows your true greatness and what you are capable of. Only Love can bring peace and great happiness in this world.”

“The important message is that when we are prosperous, we overlook love. When we feel important, we forget love. Even in happiness and sorrow we forget love. Only with time do we realize the importance of love. Why wait that long? Why not make love a part of your life today?”

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Blind Men and the Elephant !!

A long time ago in the valley of the Brahmaputra River in India there lived six men who were much inclined to boast of their wit and lore. Though they were no longer young and had all been blind since birth, they would compete with each other to see who could tell the tallest story.

One day, however, they fell to arguing. The object of their dispute was the elephant. Now, since each was blind, none had ever seen that mighty beast of whom so many tales are told. So, to satisfy their minds and settle the dispute, they decided to go and seek out an elephant.

Having hired a young guide, Dookiram by name, they set out early one morning in single file along the forest track, each placing his hands on the back of the man in front. It was not long before they came to a forest clearing where a huge bull elephant, quite tame, was standing contemplating his menu for the day.

The six blind men became quite excited; at last they would satisfy their minds. Thus it was that the men took turns to investigate the elephant’s shape and form.

As all six men were blind, neither of them could see the whole elephant and approached the elephant from different directions. After encountering the elephant, each man proclaimed in turn:

“O my brothers,” the first man at once cried out, “it is as sure as I am wise that this elephant is like a great mud wall baked hard in the sun.”

“Now, my brothers,” the second man exclaimed with a cry of dawning recognition, “I can tell you what shape this elephant is – he is exactly like a spear.”

The others smiled in disbelief.

“Why, dear brothers, do you not see,” said the third man, “this elephant is very much like a rope,” he shouted.

“Ha, I thought as much,” the fourth man declared excitedly, “this elephant much resembles a serpent.”

The others snorted their contempt.

“Good gracious, brothers,” the fifth man called out, “even a blind man can see what shape the elephant resembles most. Why he’s mightily like a fan.”

At last, it was the turn of the sixth old fellow and he proclaimed, “This sturdy pillar, brothers, mine, feels exactly like the trunk of a great areca palm tree.”

Of course, no one believed him.

Their curiosity satisfied, they all linked hands and followed the guide, Dookiram, back to the village. Once there, seated beneath a waving palm, the six blind men began disputing loud and long. Each now had his own opinion, firmly based on his own experience, of what an elephant is really like. For after all, each had felt the elephant for himself and knew that he was right!

And so indeed he was. For depending on how the elephant is seen, each blind man was partly right, though all were in the wrong.

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Salt, Glass Of Water And The Lake,

Awosem !!

Once an unhappy young man came to an old master and told he had a very sad life and asked for a solution.

The old Master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it.

“How does it taste?” – the Master asked.

“Terrible.” – spat the apprentice.

The Master chuckled and then asked the young man to take another handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and when the apprentice swirled his handful of salt into the lake.

The old man said, “Now drink from the lake.”

As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the Master asked, “How does it taste?”

“Good!” – remarked the apprentice.

“Do you taste the salt?” – asked the Master.

“No.” – said the young man.

The Master sat beside this troubled young man, took his hands, and said, “The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount we taste the ‘pain’ depends on the container we put it into. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake.”

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Take thesw Broken Wods..

I’ve learned-
that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.

I’ve learned-
that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned-
that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned-
that you should never ruin an apology with an excuse.

I’ve learned-
that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.

I’ve learned-
that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I’ve learned-
that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I’ve learned-
that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned-
that you can keep going long after you can’t.

I’ve learned-
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned-
that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned-
that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I’ve learned-
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I’ve learned-
that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I’ve learned-
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I’ve learned-
that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I’ve learned-
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I’ve learned-
that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned-
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned-
that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I’ve learned-
that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.

I’ve learned-
that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned-
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned-
that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.

I’ve learned-
that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned-
that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I’ve learned-
that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I’ve learned-
that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned-
that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I’ve learned-
that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I’ve learned-
that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings, and standing up for what you believe.

I’ve learned-
that people will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel...

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Believe In Yourself !!

There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren’t the way you had hoped they would be.

That’s when you have to tell yourself that things will get better. There are times when people disappoint you and let you down.

But those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgments and opinions, to keep your life focused on believing in yourself.

There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them.

Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are.

So when the days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities, remember to believe in yourself and all you want your life to be.

Because the challenges and changes will only help you to find the goals that you know are meant to come true for you.

Keep Believing in Yourself!

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Train Your Mind to C Every Situation!!

There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she could see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, “now that you can see the world, will you marry me?”

The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend was blind too, and refused to marry him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying:

“Just take care of my eyes dear.”

This is how human brain changes when the status changed. Only few remember what life was before, and who’s always been there even in the most painful situations.

Life Is A Gift

Today before you think of saying an unkind word–
think of someone who can’t speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food–
think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife–
think of someone who is crying out to God for a companion.

Today before you complain about life–
think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children–
think of someone who desires children but they’re barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn’t clean or sweep–
think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive–
think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job–
think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another–
remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down–
put a smile on your face and thank God you’re alive and still around.

Life is a gift – Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, and Fulfill it.

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Life and the Important Things..

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2 inches in diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up the remaining open areas of the jar.

He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “Yes.”

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter – like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else, the small stuff.”

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party, or fix the disposal.”

“Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

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Letters!!

The most selfish 1 letter word: I. Avoid
it.
The most satisfying 2 letter word: We.
Use it.
The most poisonous 3 letter word: Ego.
Kill it. The most used 4 letter word: Love.
Value it.
The most pleasing 5 letter word: Smile.
Keep it.
The fastest spreading 6 letter word:
Rumor. Ignore it. The hardest working 7 letter word:
Success. Achieve it.
The most enviable 8 letter word:
Jealousy. Distance it.
The most powerful 9 letter word:
Knowledge. Acquire it. The most essential 10 letter word:
Confidence. Trust it.

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25 ULTIMATE TIPS FOR BETTER LIFE!!!

25 ULTIMATE TIPS FOR BETTER LIFE!!! 1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every
day. & while you walk, SMILE.
It is the ultimate antidepressant. 2. Sit in silence for at least 10
minutes each day. 3. When you wake up in the morning,
Pray to ask God's
guidance for your purpose, today. 4. Eat more foods that grow on
trees and plants and eat less food
that is manufactured in plants. 5. Drink green tea and plenty of water.
Eat blueberries, broccoli,
and almonds. 6. Try to make at least three people
smile each day. 7. Don't waste your precious
energy on gossip, energy vampires,
issues of the past,
negative thoughts or things you
cannot control.
Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment. 8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch
like a prince and dinner like a
college kid with a maxed out
charge card. 9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. 10. Life is too short to waste time
hating anyone. Forgive them for
everything ! 11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No
one else does. 12. You don't have to win every
argument. Agree to disagree. 13. Make peace with your past so
it won't spoil the present. 14. Don't compare your life to
others. You have no idea what
their journey is all about. 15. No one is in charge of your
happiness except you. 16. Frame every so-called disaster
with these words: 'In five years,
will this matter?' 17. Help the needy,Be generous !
Be a 'Giver' not a 'Taker' 18. What other people think of
you is none of your business. 19. Time heals everything. 20. However good or bad a
situation is, it will change. 21. Your job won't take care of
you when you are sick. Your
friends will. Stay in touch. 22. Envy is a waste of time. You
already have all you need. 23. Each night before you go to
bed ,Pray to God and Be thankful
for what you'll accomplish, today ! 24. Remember that you are too
blessed to be stressed. 25.Share this to everyone on your
list to help them lead a happier
life...!!!!

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WHAT YOUR HANDWRITING MEANS!~!!

!! WHAT YOUR HANDWRITING

MEANS If letters slant to the left:
Indicates introspection and a lot
of emotional control. If letter slant to the right:
Reveals a person who’s
outgoing, friendly, impulsive,
and emotionally open. If letters are straight up and
down: The sign of someone
who’s ruled by the head, not
the heart. Letters that slant in more than
one direction: Indicates
versatility and adaptability. An erratic slant: Usually means
a lack of flexibility. Heavy pressure writing (like
you can feel the rib made on
the back of the paper): The
writer is agitated. Moderate pressure (the writing
is dark, but you can’t feel the
rib on the other side of the
paper): Shows ability to deal
with stress. Light pressure: Indicates
someone who seems to take
life in stride. Tiny letters: Indicate the writer
is has somewhat low self
esteem but is intelligent. Small letters: The hallmark of
quiet, introspective types –
they’re generally detail-
oriented and have good
concentration. Large letters: Sign of a
confident, easygoing individual. Huge letters: Indicate someone
who’s theatrical, usually loud,
and needs to be the center of
attention at all times. Wide letters (their width and
height are about the same): The
mark of someone who’s open
and friendly. Narrow letters: Show someone
who’s somewhat shy and
inhibited but very self-
disciplined. Letters that don’t touch:
Indicate an impulsive, artistic,
sometimes impractical free
thinker. Some letters connecting: Means
the writer’s personality blends
logic and intuition. All letters making contact: The
sign of someone who’s highly
cautious. A curved first mark: Shows a
person who’s traditional and
plays by the rules. A straight beginning stroke:
Reveals someone who’s rigid
and doesn’t like being told
what to do. A final stroke straight across:
The writer is cautious. An end mark that curves up :
Reveals generosity. Perfect penmanship: The
hallmark of a communicative
person. An indecipherable scrawl:
Indicates a person who’s
secretive, closed-up and likes to
keep his thoughts to himself.

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WHO CAN ARGUE WITH THIS? Law of equality :

The time
taken by a wife when she says
I'll get ready in 5 min is exactly
equal to the time taken by
husband when he says 'I'll call
you in 5 min! Law of Queue: If you change
queues, the one you have left
will start to move faster than
the one you are in now. Law of Telephone: When you
dial a wrong number, you never
get a busy tone. Law of Mechanical Repair: After
your hands become coated with
grease, your nose will begin to
itch. Law of the Workshop: Any tool,
when dropped, will roll to the
least accessible corner. Bath Theorem: When the body
is immersed in water, the
telephone rings. Law of Encounters: The
probability of meeting someone
you know increases when you
are with someone you don't
want to be seen with. Law of the Result: When you try
to prove to someone that a
machine won't work, it will. Law of Bio mechanics: The
severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach. Theater Rule: People with the
seats at the farthest from the
screen arrive last. Law of Coffee: As soon as you
sit down for a cup of hot coffee,
your boss will ask you to do
something which will last until
the coffee is cold. Law of Proposal : After you
accept a proposal you will get a
better one..

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THE SCORPION

THE SCORPION ; "An old man saw a scorpion
drowning
and decided to pull it out from
the
water. He calmly extended his
hand to reach the creature. When he
did,
the scorpion stung him. With
the
effect of the pain, the old man
let go the creature and it fell back into
the
water. The man realizing that
the
scorpion was drowning again,
got back and tried to rescue it but
then
again it stung him. He let go of
it
again.
A young boy standing by, approached
the old man and said, "Excuse
me Sir,
you are going to hurt yourself
trying
to save the evil-vicious creature, why
do you insist? Don't you realize
that
each time you try to help the
scorpion, it stings you?"
The man replied, "The nature of the
scorpion is to sting and mine is
to
help. My nature will not change
in
helping the scorpion." So the man thought for a while
and
used a leaf from a nearby tree
and
pulled the scorpion out from the
water and saved it's life. MORAL LESSON:
Do not change your nature. If
someone hurts you, just take
precautions. Some pursue
happiness
while others create it. Let your conscience be your guide in
whatever
you do."

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The Internet

Girl said: Dad, I'm in love with a
boy who is far away from me. I
am in India and he lives in
Alaska. We met on a dating website,
became friends on facebook,
had long chats on whatsapp, he
proposed to me on skype, and
now we've had 2 months of
relationship through Viber. I need your blessings and good
wishes, daddy. Dad said: Wow! Really!! Then
get married on twitter, have
fun on
tango. Buy your kids on e-bay, receive
them through gmail. And if you are fed up with your

husband...sell him on Amazon.

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