Clever kids:

A police officer found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists. One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so he investigated and found the problem. A 10 years old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said “Radar Trap Ahead.” A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice: another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with...

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A Teacher of Earth Science!!!!

A teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?” After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone...

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Johny n Miss

“Johnny, where’s your homework?” Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand. “My dog ate it,” was his solemn response. “Johnny, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?” “It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear it is,” insisted Johnny. “I had to smear it with honey, but I finally got him to eat it...

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Student Leave

Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won’t be able to come to school today. School Secretary: Who is this? Pupil: This is my father speakin...

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Juniors Exam Result

Mother: “Why did you get such a low mark on that test?” Junior: “Because of absence.” Mother: “You mean you were absent on the day of the test?” Junior: “No, but the kid who sits next to me was...

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One Dollar!!

Teacher: “If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?” Vincent: “One dollar.” Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.” Vincent: “You don’t know my father...

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Math Problem?

Teacher: “Here is a math problem. If your dad earned $300 dollars a week and he gave your mother half, what should he have?” Student: “A heart attack...

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Sharp Boy!!

Teacher: “Why are you late, Joseph?” Joseph: “Because of a sign down the road.” Teacher: “What does a sign have to do with you being late?” Joseph: “The sign said, ‘School Ahead, Go Slow!...

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God Is Watching!!

The students were lined up in the cafeteria for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples...

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Home Work!!

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.” The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?” The little girl replied, “My homework.” ...

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Day Off

Two factory workers talking: Woman: “I can make the boss give me the day off.” Man: “And how would you do that?” Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. Boss comes in: “What are you doing?” Woman: “I’m a light bulb.” Boss: “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.” The man starts to follow her and the boss says: “Where are you going?” The man says: “I’m going...

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Physics Teacher

Physics Teacher: “Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn’t that wonderful?” Student: “Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn’t have discovered anything.” ...

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Got Mail

 A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box. She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched...

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Women For Men

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, “Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?” “Are you nuts?!” – she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. “Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?” – he asks again. “Listen you; I’m not that kind of woman! Got it?” So the guy runs around the next block and...

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Doctor-Assistant

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. “Seamus, I am going hunting tomorrow. I don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of my patients.” “Yes, sir!” – answers Seamus. The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: ”So, Seamus, how was your day?” Seamus told him that he took care of three patients. “The first one had a headache so I gave...

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The Internet

Girl said: Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in India and he lives in Alaska. We met on a dating website, became friends on facebook, had long chats on whatsapp, he proposed to me on skype, and now we've had 2 months of relationship through Viber. I need your blessings and good wishes, daddy. Dad said: Wow! Really!! Then get married on twitter, have fun on tango. Buy your kids on e-bay, receive them through gmail. And...

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